


Girls and Boys

by mollswinchester



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Sirius Black, Coming Out, Crushes, Gay Remus Lupin, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Pining, Questioning Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 11:43:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollswinchester/pseuds/mollswinchester
Summary: Remus likes boys. Sirius likes girls. And maybe boys too.A marauders era ficlet where Sirius and Remus discover a bit about who they are and also what they mean to each other.





	Girls and Boys

Hogsmeade is cold, but the Three Broomsticks has a fire going and Remus can feel his cheeks getting red from the heat. It’s his first time being here without his friends, and he can’t say he enjoys it all that much. It’s odd, sitting in a booth made for two people, rather than one of the bigger ones with people on either side of him, knocking their drinks together and being overall obnoxious. 

He’s seated beside a Ravenclaw girl named Claire. She has long blonde hair that keeps brushing against Remus’s shoulder and a mole on her right cheek. She’s wearing lip gloss that she reapplies after almost every bite of food she has. 

They talk about their classes and what they plan on doing over the holiday. Remus is going home for Christmas with his parents, but he’s spending the new year with James, Sirius, and Peter at the Potters’ house. Claire’s family is travelling to her grandparents’ vacation home somewhere tropical. 

It’s getting late when they decide they’re ready to go back. Claire slips her hand into Remus’s as they walk out of the pub and he lets her. “C’mon, we’ll stay out of the snow if we go through the alley,” she says, dragging Remus behind the string of buildings. He decides he should follow because the snow falling in his hair is quite cold and frustrating. 

They stay close to the backs of the buildings as they walk, protected barely by the awnings above them. They’re a few minutes into their walk, nearly out of the village, when Claire pauses. Remus stops as well, thinking maybe she needs to tie her shoes or apply more lip gloss, but suddenly her hands are on his shoulders and her lips on his. 

Remus has never kissed anyone before. He’s not sure he likes it. Claire licks at his lips and Remus parts his mouth in surprise, to which Claire must take as an invitation because then her tongue is in his mouth and Remus has no idea what to do. He attempts to move his lips, but it doesn’t feel right. 

Claire must catch on because eventually she pulls away from him, looking a mixture of angry and embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” Remus says, and Claire stares at him. “Maybe kissing isn’t for me.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You’ve never kissed anyone before?” He shakes his head. “Have you ever wanted to kiss someone?”

Remus immediately thinks of Simon Abbot, a Gryffindor in his final year at Hogwarts. He blushes when the boy is the first thing to come to mind, but he can’t help but remember sitting in the common room with his friends and watching the older boys playing chess or making up cheers for the next quidditch match. 

He distinctly remembers wondering what it would be like to hold that boy’s hand, to lie with him on the sofa and yes, what it would be like to kiss him. “I guess I have,” Remus answers her. 

Claire looks at him with pity in her eyes. “Was it a girl?” Remus looks down at his fingers and shakes his head. Claire sighs. “It’s okay, Remus. You'll figure it out.” She doesn't sound entirely convinced, nor does she seem happy about it. 

“I’m sorry for wasting your night.”

“It wasn’t a waste,” Claire tells him. “But I think we should, um, maybe walk back separate.”

Remus nods, mostly because he was really hoping he wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the trip back to Hogwarts walking in silence with this girl. 

So he walks back alone, all the while thinking about the weird feeling in his stomach he gets whenever he sees the sleeve to Sirius’s Space Oddity record, with David Bowie staring straight at him. He thinks about other boys from class--the ones he’d get lost staring at, telling himself he wishes he was as good looking as they were or that he’d like to dress like they did. Maybe all of that wasn’t just jealousy. 

Maybe he likes boys.

\---

Remus has been sitting on his bed for most of the day, tearing at the skin around his fingers, wondering if he’s really about to say this thing that’s been on the tip of his tongue since before he left for the holiday. The full moon was three days ago and he’d been well enough this morning that he should have gone to class. Instead, he stayed in the dorm with a big sweater and loose pajama bottoms, using the excuse that he needs just one more day to be sure. 

Remus knows Sirius will be the first to return to the dorm. Pete and James are serving a detention for filling the toilets in the girl’s bathroom with toads. Sirius charmed his way out of punishment and Remus had pretended not to be a part of it in the first place, so neither of them were written up.

Remus knows he should be expecting Sirius but his heart still speeds up when the boy enters the room. “How ya doing, mate? Feeling okay?” he asks, shrugging his robe off and lying it on his bed. 

“Better,” Remus says. He’s sitting on his own bed, legs crossed, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. Sirius doesn’t pay him much attention as he loosens his clothing in an attempt to get comfortable. 

“You’re lucky you weren’t in potions today. Somehow, Snivellus was the favorite of the hour. It was miserable.” Remus quirks a smile but doesn’t say anything. “You sure you’re okay? You’re being quiet.”

“Actually,” Remus begins, the sound of his heart pounding loud in his ears, “there’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

“Oh.” Sirius looks up from where he’s unbuttoning his uniform and raises an eyebrow. “Is it bad?”

“No. I just want to tell you guys something.”

Sirius sits down at the other end of Remus’s bed and crosses his own legs. “I’m all ears,” he says, chewing on his lip as he waits for Remus to explain. Remus, then, finds he can’t handle the sheer focus Sirius is giving him. As if nothing in the world matters but what Remus has to say. It makes it harder, knowing Sirius is going to hear every word. 

“Right. Well I’ve been wanting to tell you, Pete and James too, for a while now but I don’t really know how. And I don’t know how you’re going to react because this isn’t something we’ve ever talked about. But I thought I’d tell you first because I know you know how it feels to be rejected for being who you are and so I hope if anyone, you know, gets angry, it won’t be you.”

“Rem, you’re starting to scare me,” Sirius says. “You know I’d help you hide a body if it came to it. There’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t support.” Sirius is frowning and Remus has to pull his eyes away from his friend’s face in order to continue. 

“It’s not bad,” Remus assures Sirius, though that really is up to interpretation. “It’s just… Well, you remember how I went out with that Ravenclaw girl a few months ago?”

“I remember.”

“And remember how I said we didn’t have much of a connection?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Well, that’s true, but there’s more to it than that.”

“Like what?”

“So we had a nice dinner and I thought I really liked her. But then she took me into this alley on our way back to the castle and, well, we started kissing.” Remus scrunches his face up. “Like a lot.”

“Ooh, Moony, you dog,” Sirius says while wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Pads,” Remus says, kicking his friend softly with a hint of a laught. 

“Right, sorry, carry on.”

“So we were kissing and I just didn’t really like it, you know? So I told her that kissing isn’t for me. And she asked me if I’d ever wanted to kiss anyone before, and I realized that I had.”

“Yeah? Who?”

“It--ah, well, it was a long time ago. In second year. But it was an older Gryffindor.”

“Who was she? No, wait, let me guess… Minnie? Moony, you know she’s mine.”

“Pads, no,” Remus says with another kick to Sirius. He can’t help but laugh, despite the fact that it feels like he might throw up. 

“So who was it?”

“That’s not-- well, the reason I’m telling you is because the person was actually another boy.”

“A boy?”

“Yeah, a boy.”

“You wanted to kiss another boy?”

“Mhm.”

“So, what, you think you’re--”

“No, Sirius, I don’t think. I am. I’m gay.” Remus feels the color drain from his cheeks. He feels nauseous. He closes his eyes so he doesn’t have to face Sirius. 

“Hey, Moons, Look at me,” Sirius says. Remus raises his head and looks at his friend, but he can’t focus his eyes on him for too long. He’s too scared. “Moony, hey, this isn’t a big deal. I mean, yes, it’s great that you figured this thing out about yourself and, hey, I’m glad you’re confident and comfortable enough to tell me. But it’s not a big deal to me. I’m glad you know who you are. I don’t care what types of, you know, parts you’re into. So long as you’re happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You aren’t worried I, like, watch you while you sleep or something?”

“Oh, Rem, if I slept in the bed next to someone as sexy as I am, I’d watch them. I’m sure Prongs and Wormy both can’t keep their eyes off of me. Point is, you’re one of my best friends. And I love you no matter what.”

“Thanks, Pads.”

“Anytime.” Sirius grins, wide and open mouthed, and tackles Remus into a hug. Remus is surprised, to say the least, at the lack of concern Sirius has for showing this kind of affection to his newly found gay roommate. He’s not upset. He does feel like he could cry, though. 

“And James and Peter? You think they’ll be alright with it?”

“Absolutely.”

Sirius is right. When Remus tells the rest of his friends later that night, they collectively decide that this is just a part of who they are now. Four best friends, one of which likes boys. It’s less of an issue than the ‘wolf thing, which hadn’t been a problem at all. 

—-

Sixth year goes by in such a hurry, Remus doesn’t even remember taking most of his exams. By the end of term, he’s ready to go home for the summer and sleep for two months straight. 

His friends are the same, talking eagerly about the coming holiday and the pure bliss they’ll be experiencing. Sirius will be staying with James, meaning the four of them will be able to get together much more than usual. They’re all of age now, and none of them can help but buzz with excitement about what this means. 

Remus is latching his oversized trunk when Sirius comes through the door. James and Pete are already in the common room, Remus is sure, preparing for the trip back to Kings Cross. Sirius sits on the bare bed next to Remus’s and leans against the frame. 

“One year left,” he says with a sigh. “Bloody hell.”

“What are we going to do when it’s over?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

Remus smiles at his friend and ignores the incessant butterflies that come whenever he’s alone with Sirius. 

“Actually, Rem, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Go ahead,” Remus says, putting all his weight into trying to close his trunk properly. He always has more to take home than his does on the train at the beginning of the year. 

“Could you, em, could you sit for a minute?”

Remus drops his hands to his sides and looks at Sirius skeptically. “Is everything alright?”

“I think so,” Sirius says, though he doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“Okay, well, ask away.” Remus takes a seat on his own bed, legs outstretched as he eyes his friend across from him. 

“So do you remember… I mean,” Sirius coughs. “Ah, sorry. How did you realize that you’re, you know, gay?”

Of all the things Remus had been anticipating, this was not it. This wasn’t even in the realm of things he was thinking Sirius might ask. :It was pretty obvious,” Remus says. “Kissed a girl, didn’t like it. Kissed a boy, liked it very much.”

“Oh,” Sirius says quietly. He looks down at his hands which are clasped together and exhales. 

“Padfoot, what’s this about?”

Sirius looks up at Remus like he’s been caught in the headlights--as if he forgot Remus was there in the ten seconds since he last said something. “I guess I’m not so sure that I’m straight.”

Remus looks at him. “Oh,” he says. “Do you like girls?” Sirius snorts at that, a smirk growing on his face. Remys rolls his eyes. “Okay, yeah, we know you like girls. How about boys?” At that, Sirius clams up, cockiness dissipating. Remus isn’t quite sure what to do or say. It’s not often Sirius Black is left speechless, even in the most uncomfortable of situations. 

“Hey, Pads listen, it’s okay if you do. Like boys, I mean. Or if you aren’t sure.” Remus pushes himself off of his bed and crosses over to where Sirius is sitting. He plops down beside him and grabs Sirius’s hand. 

They touch like this a lot. It’s always innocent, at least from the outside. But Remus knows he’ll have to stop soon because every time he feels Sirius’s skin with his own, his feelings get deeper and he isn’t sure he can last much longer without breaking. 

“Well I never really looked at other boys like that before,” Sirius says. “At least, I didn’t think so.”

“But now?”

“Now I think… I think I like a boy.” Remus ignores the pang of jealousy he feels. 

He’s gotten used to his crush, or whatever this is, on Sirius. He’s used to the anger that comes with seeing Sirius with a new girl, or hearing the rumors about what he does with them behind the greenhouses. It hurts, but somehow it’s worse, knowing Sirius likes a boy. At least when it was just girls, Remus could pretend that was the reason the two of them could never be together. Now it’s just like everything else: Sirius Black is much too good for someone like Remus Lupin. 

“Okay. Are you sure it’s romantic feelings? It’s possible you just think this boy is, I dunno, cool or something.”

One corner of Sirius’s mouth tugs upward and he huffs. “No, it’s definitely-- I mean, when he looks at me, I get so flusters. Sweaty hands, dry mouth, the works. And every so often it seems like he feels the same but… And I try not to imagine the two of us together but then all of a sudden I’m imagining what our grandchildren would be like and--”

“Sirius.”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re right. I think you might not be straight.”

Sirius exhales, as if he’s been holding his breath, and a piece of hair tucked behind his ear falls over his face. Instinctively, Remus reaches up to push it back but before his hand can reach his face, Sirius wraps his own hand around Remus’s wrist. 

It’s then that Remus realizes just how close they are. How there are mere inches between their faces. “S-sorry,” he says, pulling away. 

“S’okay,” Sirius tells him. He pushes his hair back with an amused smile playing at his lips and Remus can’t for the life of him figure out what it means. 

“We should get going or we’ll miss the train.” Remus pats Sirius on the knee before he stands up. It takes him another moment to close up his trunk for good. Sirius remains quiet on his own bed behind Remus. He chances a look at Sirius as he pulls his trunk down from his bed. The other boy is looking right at him. 

“Rem?”

“What?”

“How come you haven’t mentioned any boys in so long? Last year it was Gideon this and Frank that and then that one Hufflepuff boy you were caught with in that broom closet--” Remus blushes at that but Sirius doesn’t acknowledge it. “And what about the boy you told us about, the one from your village? You don’t write him anymore. And now all of a sudden it’s just radio silence.”

Remus feels like he’s being called out for something, but there’s no way Sirius could know. “I didn’t want to bother you, is all.”

“Right.” Sirius is quiet for a beat. Then, “Well surely there’s been someone you’ve fancied since you stopped writing to that muggle.”

“There has.”

“Yeah? And who is he?”

“No,” Remus says with a small smile. “I’m not telling you.”

“Come on, Rem. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?” 

Remus smirks. “Okay. You first.” He has no intention of telling Sirius about the way he can’t stop thinking about him, but he’ll play along. 

“No way.”

“Fine, then. We should be going.” 

Sirius shakes his head and smiles. “Fine.”

The ride back to London is quite possibly the longest one Remus has ever endured. Longer than the ride he spent alone in a car after the Prank, longer than that first trip to Hogwarts where he didn’t know anyone and kept waiting for someone to come and kick him off of the train. He sits beside Pete and across from Sirius, pretending to read a book in his lap for the duration of the trip. 

James and Sirius talk quidditch and worry about their brooms being damaged in their transport back to the city. Every so often, Remus will spare the two a glance and catch the eye of Sirius who smiles and looks away each time.

Remus’s mum is waiting for him on the platform when they arrive. Euphemia And Fleamont are standing next to her, chatting as the three boys approach. Pete had gone in the other direction to greet his parents. It hadn’t been as sad a goodbye as previous times. They’re certain they’ll see each other this summer. 

James and Sirius hug the Potters while Remus hugs his own mother. 

Their parents walk ahead on the way out of the station while Sirius, James, and Remus walk slowly in a row. “It’s going to be a good summer, boys,” James says, slinging his arms over the two of them. 

“The best one yet, I hope,” Sirius says. 

Remus smiles. “Definitely.” 

\---

  
_ Padfoot-- _

_ The moon was okay. It’s been worse. It’s never good when I’m away from the three of you, though. I think the wolf considers you pack. I know I do. We marauders. _

_ I’ll be coming to the Potter’s at the end of July. Mum wants me to stay with her forever and Dad never gives his opinion. Or maybe he really just doesn’t care what I do. I’m looking forward to the lake, though. Not that I’ll be swimming, but I do enjoy reading by the water. I have a feeling you and James have already tried fixing the rope swing you broke last summer. Try not to get a concussion this time. _

_ Regarding what you said in your last letter, about how you’ll finally get me on a broomstick since the Potters have so many to choose from, I’d like to point out that it’s not the lack of variety that I have an issue with when it comes to flying. It’s the lack of ground under my feet. Though I am glad you’re having such a wonderful time there. Tell James I miss him, please. _

_ Of course, I miss you too, Sirius. It’s much too quiet without your constant ranting about things I won’t even begin to understand. You talk a lot, did you know that? Sometimes I think you don’t even know you’re doing it. _

_ See you soon, Pads. Don’t be too much of a headache to Mrs. Potter. _

_ -Remus _

\---

_ Moony-- _

_ Firstly, I resent the implication that the rope swing incident was somehow my fault. Faulty rope has nothing to do with the person swinging on it. Secondly, one of these days, you’re going to play a game of quidditch with us. I’m sure of it. And thirdly, I miss you too. _

_ Do you remember me telling you how I like boys (I would hope you remember, as it was only a couple of weeks ago)? Well I actually wanted to tell you something else, then. But I panicked and went with the next best thing. _

_ I’d already talked to James about it. What I really wanted to tell you, was who the boy is. But it’s hard for me to talk about it when I don’t know if I’m off my rocker for thinking there’s any way he could ever look at me the way I do him. I’ll tell you someday. _

_ -Sirius _

\---

_ Padfoot-- _

_ You told James first? I’m offended. I thought it was a tradition of ours, coming out to each other. _

_ And you’re totally off your rocker, though that doesn’t have anything to do with hoping someone might return their feelings for you. You’re pretty likeable, Sirius, except for when you’re not. Like when you take things that aren’t yours. Specifically chocolates. As you can tell, I’m not over the fact that none of the Honeydukes sweets I packed were in my trunk when I returned home. Both Peter and James have written to tell me it was you, and that you told them not to tell. _

_ But other than that, I think anyone would be thrilled to know you, THE Sirius Black, fancy them. You’ve got good qualities. Like your taste in music, and your listening skills. I’m sure there are more, but I don’t have time to write them. _

_ I hope you tell me who he is sometime. I’d like to know. _

_ I’m actually just waiting for mum to get the car ready so she can take me out to the Potter’s. I’m hoping you get this letter before I arrive, or it might be awkward. _

_ See you soon, _

_ -Remus _

_ \--- _

The first thing Remus does when he arrives at the Potter’s house in the country is stretch his legs. His mother has a car that is tiny, and he barely fits in the first place. Adding luggage to what little space there is only makes things worse. 

Mr. Potter is outside in an instant, helping Remus carry his things inside while Mrs. Potter invites Remus’s mum in for tea. As soon as he steps in the door, Remus is lunged at by James, who is shorter but definitely stronger than him. 

“Nice to see you too, Prongs,” Remus says. He returns the hug James is giving him with earnest. 

“We missed you, Moony,” James says into his neck. Remus could laugh. 

When James finally steps away, Pete hugs him. Remus hadn’t known that he’d arrived already. Sirius is the last to hug him and those damn butterflies are back. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” Sirius says as James and Peter attempt charm Remus’s bags to float up the stairs to the room he’ll be sleeping in. 

“Me too,” Remus says. 

That night, they all eat in the Potter’s formal dining room. Remus rolls his eyes when Peter and James put portions of their meal on their forks and launch them at each other but eventually he joins in, as does Sirius, and the four of them attempt to get away with catching the food thrown by the other in the mouth without getting in trouble. 

They’re scolded by Mr. and Mrs. Potter and told to go to bed but, but there’s smiles on James’s parents' faces all the while. 

The sky is pitch black when Sirius nudges Remus’s shoulder and wakes him up. “The hell?” Remus mumbles, wiping his eyes. 

“Come with me,” Sirius says. 

“Sirius, it’s the middle of the night.”

“And? Since when do you shy away from an adventure?”

Remus groans but gets up from the pile of pillows and blankets he’d been sleeping with on the floor of James’s bedroom. He steps carefully over Peter as he follows Sirius out of the room. “Where are we going?” Remus whispers. 

“Outside.” Sirius casts _ Lumos _and lowers his wand so they can see the floor. 

“And here I was worried you might be vague about it.”

Sirius shushes him. 

They’re out by the Potter’s lake when Sirius finally turns to look at him. “I wanted to look at the stars,” Sirius says, and he sits in the grass. 

Remus laughs. “Course you did.” He sits beside Sirius. 

“I’m up there somewhere, you know.”

“The dog star,” Remus says. “How fitting. Shame you can’t see it year round.”

“It keeps me modest.”

“I disagree.” Sirius answers with a shove.

Remus looks up at the sky, at the mess of stars above him. The moon is in its first quarter and it’s just visible enough to make Remus’s skin crawl. It’s not the unpleasantness that comes in the last quarter--not good or bad, just a feeling. A reminder that it’s there. 

Sirius breathes steadily beside him. He’s leaning back on his hands, legs stretched out in front of him, wand resting in his lap so that there’s enough light for them to see each other. He looks so indescribably cool sitting like that, it’s almost as if he practices. But he doesn’t. Sirius is just Sirius. 

“You know, I can keep a secret,” Remus says. Sirius turns to look at him, one eyebrow raised. “I mean, if you want to tell me who the boy is. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? As in, you’ll tell me?”

“Yes. But you have to promise me, Remus. Promise me you won’t freak out about it.”

“I swear.”

“Because you could be mad or, I don’t know, weirded out. But I’d like it if you were just chill.”

“Sirius.”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me.”

“I will,” Sirius says, rubbing the back of his neck and not looking a step closer to saying anything as he was moments ago. 

“You can’t dangle this in front of me and not tell me. James knows, doesn’t he?”

“He does. I told him first because I had to make sure I knew what I was feeling.”

“And James helped you figure it out?”

“Yes.”

“So then when you talked to me about it, you already knew.”

“Right. Like I said in my letter, I wanted to tell you who it is.”

“So tell me.”

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

“It’s you.”

“What?”

“It’s you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, Remus, you.”

“You--I--Me?”

“Rem--”

“Okay, sorry. It’s just, are you sure? I mean, I’m me, Sirius. You’re you. How could--Oh, fuck it.” And Remus does what he’s been wanting to do for far too long. He grabs the back of Sirius’s neck and pulls him into a kiss. It takes a few seconds for Sirius to move and Remus begins to panic but then he’s putting his hands on Remus’s cheeks and kissing him back. 

Remus pulls away after a few seconds, wanting to hear Sirius’s voice just as badly as he wants to taste his lips. 

“You kissed me,” Sirius says. 

“I did.”

“Remus John Lupin kissed me.” 

“Sirius—“ 

“Merlin, this is not how I expected today to go.” 

The grin on Sirius’s face is the best thing Remus has seen in a long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks this ficlet has been taunting me for a while now. My apologies if it seems rushed, I just get so excited writing about these boys.


End file.
